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- "Look, I don't care what you say
about me but making fun of alien technology is just stupid."
- -MISTAKE
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Beth:"Attention everyone! I would
like to annouce my latest trimuph. I call it 'Peace In the Garrelli Family'. Joe hug your
brother."
Joe:"Do I have to?"
Beth:"Yes."
[Joe goes to hug Russ, Russ punches him]
Beth[to Russ]:"What'd you do that for?"
Russ:"He was making a move on me!"
Beth:"No, no he wasn't! He was trying to hug you!"
Joe:"Actually I was making a move on him."
-WHO'S THE BOSS PT 2 (Courtesy Jill) NEW
- "Beth it's really important you make
out with me now!"
- -BOSTON (Courtesy
Jill) NEW
- Joe: Are you sure he didn't make Matthew
cry?
Dave: No. Why does that matter?
Joe: Cause I really wanna kick that big dude's ass.
-CHOCKS (Courtesy Masked Assassin)
- "She's even infused the meringue
with an insoucient hint of lemon zest." (referring to Lisa's homebaked pastries.)
TWINS (Courtesy Carol & Susan)
- Dave: "Is that lemon zest?"
- Joe: "You know it, dude."
TWINS (Courtesy Carol & Susan)
- Joe: "Were you afrid
that we were gonna kick your ass?"
Dave: "No."
Joe: "Well you should be."
-TRAINER (Courtesy Masked Assassin)
- Joe: "I made you something dude."
Dave: "Oh what is it Joe... a time machine?"
Joe: "Do you see a steering wheel on this thing?"
-NOISE (Courtesy Jill)
- "Dave I'm pretty paranoid person
myself, but even I don't turn on my closest friends like this. Don't play that game,
it's just what they want you to do. Also I love you."
- -SECURITY DOOR (Courtesy
Jill)
- "You think I'm one of those greaseballs who doesn't
know the difference between a bow-tie and a cumberband."
- -AWARDS SHOW
- "Dude, normally I think two chicks
gettin' together is awesome... but since you're my friend I don't think it's awesome at
all..."
- -BIG BROTHER
- "Look, I don't care what you say about
me but making fun of alien technology is just stupid."
- -MISTAKE
- "Duct tape was invented a long time
before you were born by somebody really smart. The end"
- -KIDS (Courtesy Jill)
- Joe: "Why do we have
to wear these stupid party hats anyway?"
Jimmy: "Cause if I'm the only one wearing a stupid party hat Ill
feel like a dork"
Joe: "Why do you have to wear it?"
-BEEP BEEP (Courtesy Jill)
- "Sexual harassment is no joke
sweetcans"
- -CATHERINE MOVES ON (Courtesy
Jill)
- "there is one way you handle a
girl like that. You get down on your hands and knees and you BEG her to have sex with
you!"
-THE REAL DEAL(Courtesy
Christine from Australia)
- "I hear a clicking. You know
what, take off your bracelets. And your rings. And...and your blouse."
-COMPLAINT BOX (Courtesy
Christine from Australia)
- "Experts say a year in New York's state
schools is equivalent to five years at the Sorbonne...easy, because they are dumb and I am
smart! You know, Lisa, if you had gone to a state school maybe you wouldn't have
the self-esteem problem that caused you
- to balloon up to 300 pounds...250,
whatever..."
-PUBLIC DOMAIN (Courtesy
Christine from Australia)
- Beth: "He's probably
just having a weird reaction. I'm sure we all had weird reactions when we found
out."
Joe: "I know I did."
Jimmy: "What you'd do?"
Joe: "I went over my parents house at 3 in the morning and climbed
into bed with them.I used to do it when I was a kid."
Beth: "That's not so weird."
Joe: "My mom didn't think so, but that was the first time I met her
new husband.He was pretty uptight."
Jimmy: "Nice guy?"
Joe: "Yeah,pretty much. He snores to much,but I put a stop to
that."
-BILL MOVES ON (Courtesy Jill)
- "Lisa, we've worked together for some
time now and I know you as a competent and attractive young reporter. In the past few
years this fond respect has blossomed into love...I cant keep silent no longer. I am
on bended knee asking for your heavy hand in marriage, live, on the air, where our love
first grew during the all important drive time period only on WNYX. Lisa,will you marry
me?"
-OUR FIFTIETH EPISODE (Courtesy Jill)
- "Hi....I'm calling from downstairs, and
we were just wondering if you could find a way to SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!"
-OFFICE FEUD (Courtesy Jacob)
- Bill: "Joe,
who's the black undercover dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks?"
Joe: "Why, I believe that would be Shaft, Bill."
Bill: "mm-hmm. And who's the cat who won't cop out when there is
danger all about?"
Joe: "Once again Bill, you are referring to Shaft. You know, they
say that Shaft is one bad mutha...."
Matthew: "Oh, shut up, you guys."
-BIG DAY (Courtesy Jacob)
- "I got it! We didn`t say the
magic word....Pleeeease don't sell the station!
- -STATION SALE (Courtesy
Jill)
-
- Joe: "Dude, you can't
adopt a baby."
Bill: "Why not?"
Joe: "Actually I don`t know why not but there's got to be some
reason."
-LOOK WHO'S TALKING (Courtesy Jill)
- Lisa: "Ted`s
death was nothing but a freak accident"
Joe: "No it wasn`t. Matthew didn`t have anything to do
with it"
-COPY MACHINE (Courtesy Jill)
-
- DAVE: "Well...
so much for the legendary hobo gold."
JOE: "It was a theory..."
- -WEDDING (Courtesy
Mary)
Bill's letter to Joe:
- Dear Joe,
- I'm sorry I intentionally broke the printer by my desk every Monday morning and made
you fix it. I only did it because I enjoyed hearing your voluminous redactions on
entire weekend sporting events. One more than one occasion you helped lull me into
my mid-morning nap. For that, I'm eternally grateful. KUDOS! The printer
shouldn't give you much trouble anymore.
-
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Revised 08/25/99
Beth Bill
Catherine Dave Jimmy
James Joe Lisa Matthew Max Louis Episode Guide Guest Star Guide FVM