"Bill... I'm fixin' for another homo-erotic fantasy on the 'Big Muddy'!!" -CATHERINE MOVES ON

James Caan is visiting to research on Bill but becomes fascinated by Matthew.

JC: "So, what makes you tick? (or words to that effect, I'm sorry)"

MB:" I have cats..."

JC:" How many?"

MB: "Three. (pause) I wish, only two."

-MOVIE STAR (Courtesey Rachel) posted 2/17/00

 

Jimmy is day trading under Matthew's name and Matthew walks in distressed. Jimmy tells him that he has made almost two hundred dollars trading under Matthew's name.
Matthew: "That's funny because I was just trading under your name."
Jimmy: "No, that's impossible, because you don't know my secret password."
Matthew: "You mean MaryAnn? Well it's Dave's Mom's name, so I just figured."
Jimmy: (getting very upset) "Now wait a minute, son. How much did you lose?"
Matthew: "All of it"
Jimmy: "How much?"
Matthew: "Seven billion dollars. But your welcome to borrow that two hundred if you'd like."

-SPOOKY RAPPING CRYPT (Courtesy Foff315) NEW

"Yes! It was a lot like the Monster Mash, except this was definitly not a graveyard smash"
-SPOOKY RAPPING CRYPT (Courtesy Jill) NEW

Matthew: (on a harness coming down into Dave's office) Are you sure this is how they did it in that movie?
Joe: Yeah, I've seen Mission: Impossible five times.
Matthew: Mission: Impossible? I thought is was Peter Pan.
-REVIEW (Courtesy Masked Assassin) NEW

Matthew: You sir, are weird!
Brent: (weird office temp): You are the weirdest office weird guy I have ever met.
-MISTAKE (Courtesy Masked Assassin)

Dave: There was an accident last night involving the copy machine.
Matthew: An accident with the coffee machine.

Dave: No the copier, that makes copies.
Matthew: The coffier that makes coffees?
-COPY MACHINE (Courtesy Masked Assassin)

THE BROCK REPORT

"Why don't people smile more?  A recent survey shows that 80% of Americans never ever smile. These people need to go to jail.  In the happy 20% though are my two special cats, Chew Chew Bonewagon and Mit Mit St. Claire, whuttup guys!!!"

-PLOY

 

"Well that time you told everyone in the office that I had lice, that wasn't very nice." (to Bill)

-PRESENCE

 

"All my sweet bitches hard at work..."

-LED ZEPPLIN BOXED SET

"Lisa!!!! It is still a very sad thing when a member of the family has to terminated."

-PILOT(courtesy oddgirl)

"ok...Hunchy..."
-COMPLAINT BOX(Courtesy Christine from Australia)

"No no kind sir, you cannot fire me for I do not work here... I did bring my resume though... "
-SUPER KARATE MONKEY DEATH CAR (Courtesy Christine from Australia)

"he's not in a coma, he's just taking a nap. He's fine he's fine he's fine he's fine!!!!"
-SLEEPING (Courtesy Christine from Australia)

"Who's Mr. James and Rogerwood?"

-INJURY

"About the fact that somebody's getting a little  P-A-R-A... NOID"

-SECURITY DOOR

Matthew: "We don't want rat traps in the office."
Dave: "You'd rather catch them by hand?"
Matthew: "Well that's just silly, David."
-RAT FUNERAL (Courtesy that oddgirl)

"We used to play this game where if I didn`t get him a cup of coffee before the meeting was over,he`d get so mad at me....good times, good times"
-BILL MOVES ON (Courtesy Jill)

 

"Easy there Lisa.No one likes a sloppy drunk."

-BILL MOVES ON (Courtesy Jill)

 

Matthew: "Oh, I have an idea..."

Dave: "What"

Matthew: "Go to hell."

-MEET MAX LOUIS

 

"One man's computer solitaire is another man's bread and butter."

-MEET MAX LOUIS

 

Beth: "Matthew that`s the third coffee pot you`ve broken this week."
Matthew: "Yeah but I`m pretty sure this one wasn`t my fault."
-CATHERINE MOVES ON (Courtesy Jill)

"This is on air talker person, Matthew Brock with a special shout out to my two cats, Chew Chew and Mit Mit. HI!"

-LUCKY BURGER

 

"Well if you think there is one iota of ambition in my nakedness then you severely underestimate me!"

-LUCKY BURGER

Matthew: I'm hiring Joe for a Baretta style door takedown.
Joe: That's gonna cost you fifteen dollars.
Matthew: I've only got five.
Joe: For five dollars you can get a Starsky style interrogation.
Matthew: What about Hutch?
Joe: That'll cost you seven fifty.
Matthew: Too rich for my blood.
-LUCKY BURGER

Bill: "And then there's the way these rappers refer to each other with a certain word which, which I won't even repeat."
Catherine: "What word?"
Bill: "The 'N' word."
Catherine: "Oooooh."
Matthew: "Nerd?"
Bill: "Worse."
Matthew: "Worse than nerd? Um, I don't, this is a tough one."

-RAP (courtesy Brian Miller)

 

Matthew: "Mr. James, have you ever read four books at a time?"
Mr. James: "No."
Matthew: "Then don't tell me how to do it..."

-FLOWERS FOR MATTHEW (Courtesy Matt)

 

"Are you Doobie Keebler?"

-JAIL

"Just shut up and get back to work... damn hippy"

- WHO'S THE BOSS PT 1

DAVE: "Matthew, Bill is not a God."

MATTHEW: "Time will tell."

-ROSEBOWL

SONGS

"Frodo was a paranoid gnome..."

-SECURITY DOOR

 

"Wake up... brush your teeth... look in the mirror... is it me?"

-TWINS (duet with Jon Stewart)

 

THE TED'S DEAD SONG

"Ted. He's dead. And the hobbits and the gnomes, they're dancing to and fro

They have to keep the plus-two sword from the chaotic evil theif lord

Now we're rockin', now we're really rockin'

Now we're really really really really really rockin'

 

[plays air guitar]

But one day, Ted met an elf named Matthew

But balrog the dragon was a clever beast

Matthew's vorpal sword of sharpness was no match...[get's interrupted]

But Matthew's mithril chain mail really rocked the house..."

[he plays air guitar]

-COPY MACHINE (Thanks to oddgirl for this one.)

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revised 08/25/99

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